literature

Blind

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TinyFurrTails's avatar
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Literature Text

Blind

The colors themselves though they may try to disguise,
form a beautiful picture from the rainbow inside.
Although the colors confuse and the shades run and hide,
I'll show you each shade and I'll stay your guide.

It sounds like a melody the pen on paper,
I'll be quick to step in should your hands ever waver.
At times it's a whisper gently coaching each color,
but together were something each color a wonder.

Color, tastes like skittles,
it's not the shade outside,
but the flavor in the middle

The shades feel like petals between calloused fingers,
Soft and velvety as rough hands guide their shapes.
Tiny drops of paint are cool to the touch.
A dappled canvas, a familiar love.

If you can't see the color it doesn't make you blind.
It just means you need someone to show you with their eyes.
Although an entry for
Color Poem Contest!Color Poem Contest!

I've been encouraged to make this a news article, so I'm giving in :XD:

This form has taken off since I introduced it to dA, at least among my watchers. I've seen enough creativity come out of it to feel like a contest has the ability to produce some excellent pieces. The form is flexible enough to allow room for lots of interpretation, but rigid enough to still provide a bit of structure. I've never found an easier form to write in - no syllable counting, no rhyme schemes, no nitpicky details to fuss over (unless you want to!). So here it is:

Line 1 - Your color.
Lines 2, 3, 4 - things your color looks like.
Lines 5, 6

This was a chance to say something really special to ~S2DPro He's kind of had a hard time dealing with the slight issues with seeing colors and some of our best moments have been working together when it's me helping pick out the colors. Boo, it doesn't matter what you can't see...What matters is what I see in you.

When I first met you, you were the one who told me my limp didn't make me who I was and you'd be the one to carry me. Well now I'm telling you that it's been 8 months and if I could I'd do anything to be the same way. You're my best friend, and if you can't see the colorful spirit in you, it doesn't matter.

I Do.
© 2012 - 2024 TinyFurrTails
Comments59
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jessica35's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

This is a very strong piece of writing. Some of the descriptions you used paint very vivid pictures, especially the line “The shades feel like petals between calloused fingers.”

The form of this poem seems to be a bit unbalanced. You started off using a rhyme scheme which disappeared after the second stanza. Rhyming is a good way to add rhythm to words. The rhythm you started with got confused when you broke the rhyme scheme. I would suggest maintaining the form you start out with, whether it is fixed or free verse.

Another suggestion I would make is to utilize commas and other punctuation. Some of your lines read with natural pauses. It would help to define the flow of your poem if you used commas to accentuate those pauses.

For example, instead of:

Although the colors confuse and the shades run and hide

You could say:

Although the colors confuse, and the shades run and hide